


practical ghosts

by vdova



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 1872, Marvel 23223, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon Fix-It, time travel road trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 00:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vdova/pseuds/vdova
Summary: After the dust settles, Bucky finds out the person he's waited years to talk to is gone. Steve and Sam put their heads together and come up with a plan: finding a universe with a Natasha to give Bucky some closure. The three end up on a time travel road trip for closure.





	practical ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to bucksnatalia for betaing this for me! It's my first time writing Bucky's POV so I needed an expert opinion.
> 
> The backstories of Natasha and Bucky is taken directly from the comics.
> 
> There are two companion pieces, done by lorbarton on tumblr!  
> https://lorbarton.tumblr.com/post/186522585552/practical-ghosts-1-of-2-hi-there-this-is-one-of  
> https://lorbarton.tumblr.com/post/186522615327/practical-ghosts-2-of-2-hi-there-this-is-one-of

Bucky’s idea of closure had always been death. One day his life would end, and that would be all the closure the man would need. No more pain over the memories of those he’d been forced to kill. No more anxiety over the world turning against him. Simply nothing- it sounded like a dream. One he didn’t deserve.

It was a faint idea that he barely ever thought about. There were too many things on his plate that he felt a need to do. Correcting mistakes, tracking down people to make sure they were doing well, and reconnecting with a few people from his past. A certain red head was at the top of that list.

Bucky had caught glimpses of Natalia over the years. The fight on the bridge had shaken something loose in the Winter Soldier’s mind, but it hadn’t stuck. It was like a nerve had been struck, but the pain and memory faded not long after. Maybe it was getting kicked in the head by the same woman; maybe it was the recalibration that hadn’t really stuck. Whatever it was, Bucky was too concerned with running away and hiding to try and figure those feelings out.

It was a small mercy that he didn’t remember their following encounter. Steve had alluded to it, but it certainly sounded like something he would’ve done. Not once had he gone easy on Natalia. Not when she gave as good as she took.

After he got out of cryo, Bucky was waiting to see her again. There were a million apologies on his lips, a thousand words of thoughts that had welled up inside him over the decades, but there was one thing at the front of his mind: he wanted to hold her. Without fear of a handler interrupting them, without fear of being shoved back in cryo or being tortured for nothing more than loving someone. His mind was still piecing itself back together. Natalia was the light at the end of the tunnel.

The weeks of being back in the world drug on without any news of Natalia returning to Wakanda. Steve made the trip a few times, bringing stories of their exploits around the world. After the third trip on his own, Bucky posed the question about the red head Steve talked about with stars in his eyes. “You’ll meet her sometime,” came the reply, “But she always has another thread to pull. There’s no peace for someone like Nat.”

Steve didn’t understand the grim smile on Bucky’s face then. He thought it was Bucky finding someone to relate to and nothing more.

Bucky wasn’t surprised when he was drug back into the fighting. He was more surprised at the stunning arm he was offered as a bribe. It made sense. No use in fighting with a single arm. But it didn’t make the gift feel any less important. It also meant he was likely to see Natalia.

When the ship touched down, Bucky could feel his heart in his chest. The battle looming over their heads was shoved to the backburner. He had more important things on his mind. He felt more like himself than he had since before falling off the train. There was a spark in his life that had been missing for over a lifetime.

But the moment came, and it went, and the only thing Bucky got was a quick glance from the now-blonde. It wasn’t enough to get much, but there was a moment in the look that gave him something to look forward to after the fight. It kept him going when the forces bore down on the seemingly small army.

It was the only thing on his mind when he disintegrated.

It was only half the death Bucky expected. It was during a fight, but he wasn’t actively fighting. It felt like a coward’s death, but it also didn’t last. Funny thing, people surviving past their initial death. The number he knew was starting to grow to a shockingly high amount, and that number exploded when he came to in Wakanda.

To him, it felt like no time had passed. But the way the trees looked, the way the buildings he could see looked- he could tell something had happened. The lack of the Avengers standing nearby clued him in to something a little bigger than amnesia.

With only half the battle field left, it was slightly easier for regrouping than it had been during the initial fight. Everyone had questions. It felt like the world had shifted to the right and left all of them behind. But more than that, there was a feeling in Bucky’s chest that had his anxiety at a peak. He felt like something was terribly wrong. That he was only waiting to hear some terrible news.

Of all the ways for the mystery of the world being wrong to shake out, Bucky hadn’t expected a damn wizard in a red cloak to show up with nothing more than a hand wave and a brief ‘there’s no time to explain’ kind of explanation. It felt about as normal as Bucky could expect, given that he’d (in his mind, anyways) just finished a battle that included fighting aliens with a talking raccoon. Walking back into a giant fight with aliens that would decide the fate of the planet? Felt like just another day for him.

But he couldn’t quite shake the nagging feeling that there was something horribly wrong.

He put a reason to the feeling when he found Steve. The man looked beaten down in more ways than physically. The usual crease on his forehead was deeper than ever, telling a story Bucky was almost afraid to hear.

The pair hugged, with Bucky feeling the deepest exhale in Steve. The tension in his body left with the breath, but Bucky could tell there was a revelation coming. Never one to mince words, Steve shifted back and rested his hands heavy on Bucky’s shoulders. “Natasha’s finally at peace.”

It was four words that Bucky never expected to hear. He expected to die long before her, to find that long alluded closure that he didn’t deserve. The news felt more like the punishment he was always expecting. All at once, he wanted to know details. He wanted to know nothing. Steve caught on quick enough when Bucky clutched a hand over his mouth and slid down the wall he’d been leaning on.

There was a long story to be told, but Bucky wanted to keep the majority of his story with Natasha a secret. It felt like the world had fallen down around his head, and there was only so much Steve needed to know about. He revealed their history in the red room, the years of training, the relationship that no one was supposed to know about. How it all blew up in their faces when Bucky slipped up one time.

It felt like an eternity of sharing; it had only been fifteen minutes. After a minute of silence, Steve helped Bucky up and to what Bucky presumed was the room Steve was staying in. There was a moment, a beat of Steve struggling for words, before he squeezed Bucky’s hand and left.

Days past. The only way Bucky could keep track was the light coming and going from the window over Steve’s bed. That, and Steve coming in now and then to leave food and water. Bucky barely touched it. He’d gone longer with less while physically exerting himself and been fine. All he could do was think about Natalia.

He eventually asked Steve about what happened. Bucky could easily tell that Steve was giving him the amended version, but it still struck a bittersweet chord with Bucky. Of course she sacrificed herself to save someone she cared about, to save the world. It was only fitting she died like a hero.

It was around day 5 that Bucky noticed something happening. Sam stopped by to chat about how the world had changed, giving a better picture from someone who had also vanished for years. Sam made an attempt at explaining the whole time travel thing. It sounded like gibberish to Bucky, but he’d gotten used to accepting nonsense as fact. The world was always going to move on without him.

But his friends weren’t going to move on without dragging him with them. On the sixth day of his self-imposed isolation, both Sam and Steve poked in to ‘chat’. Bucky knew right off that something was up. Not once had more than one person come in to visit. 

The world was a different place. Bucky didn’t have to be told that, he saw it every time he looked around. But when Steve produced the red vial, he had to laugh. “Time travel,” he said flatly, the words sounding foreign in his mouth. “You’re telling me that Ant Boy actually invented time travel?”

Sam and Steve exchanged looks, one that ended in Sam snorting and Steve sighing, “His name is Scott. And yes. On accident.”

Bucky grinned. It was a foreign expression for him since the news about Natasha. Even if he thought his friends were full of shit. “So, what? You used it to save the universe. Now what?”

Steve exhaled slowly and looked at Bucky. There was an emotion deep in his eyes that Bucky hadn’t seen in ages. “All of us have felt Tasha’s death. But if Scott’s currently theory holds up, then there are other versions of her that are still alive. And you- we could get some closure.” Steve was being careful with the way he worded it, but Bucky sat up a little straighter.

“You mean I could see Natalia?” there was something in Bucky’s voice that hadn’t been there in decades- hope. Better yet, hope for closure. Maybe if he could move on with his life, he could see the world as Natasha saw it: something to die for. Bucky looked between Steve and Sam, who were both wearing rather guarded expressions.

Sam waved a hand, taking over the answer, “Yes. You can see her. That’s the stipulation with this time travel thing. You’re not supposed to mettle in other timelines, unless you end up doing it anyways,” he shoots Steve a look, who at least has the presence of mind to look embarrassed. There was a story there Bucky’ll have to ask about. He was sure he’d missed a few things since his self-imposed exile to Steve’s room. Primarily what exactly happened in the five years he was apparently gone, but the world moving on without him was something he’d grown accustomed to. There would be time for stories about the lost years later. Hopefully. “It took some convincing, but Scott says he’ll help us jump to a few other universes. We’ve got enough material for six timelines and a trip home, in case we don’t find her in-” but Sam was cut off as Bucky vaulted out of the bed and drug him and Steve into a bear hug. Which Sam got the raw deal with, considering it was Bucky’s new metal arm that proceeded to crush the air out of him.

What was left of the team weren’t exactly surprised when Bucky showed up in the common area. It clued him in that Sam and Steve had already shared their plan. He wasn’t offended to be the last person to know. Bucky’s mind was too busy thrumming with the knowledge that he was going to see Natasha again. Even if it was only for a second, he didn’t care. He wanted one last vision to commit to memory.

He only sort of understood the explanation. He kept getting distracted by the words coming out of someone that looked like Scott. The man didn’t exactly look like a genius, but they all swore this was what had saved the universe. It was a bittersweet feeling for Bucky- they might have saved everyone, but at the cost of the one person he’d ever been able to feel real love for.

“Do we really have to wear the stupid outfits?” Sam voiced Bucky’s question, the pair of them pulling at the oddly colored futuristic suits. Scott shot the pair a look, but Steve grinned and pointed at the obligatory Avengers symbol on his chest, rolling his eyes. Yet another story Bucky filed away to ask about later.

When they got to what looked like a landing pad, Scott started blathering on about the science of what they were about to do. The word ‘theoretical’ caught Bucky’s attention, his brow furrowing. “Are you saying you haven’t tested this properly?”

Scott made a concerning face and waved his hand in a ‘sort of’ manner. “If it makes you feel better, it’s more likely to not work than for anything disastrous to happen.”

Sam turned around after putting his helmet on, taking a step towards Scott, “If this goes sideways, so help me-”

But he got cut off as the trio were shrunk down. Both Bucky and Sam took a hot second to react, stuck in a state of shock and mystification. Steve eventually got them moving in a world that felt like something out of a bad science fiction movie. Bucky barely had time to register what they were doing or what was going on before they were back to normal size in what looked like New York.

The trio looked around at each other before stripping out of their suits and into their disguises. Steve had taken a page out of Natasha’s book and picked simple outfits with hats and sunglasses; basic and easy to look over. Bucky was the first to poke out of the alleyway they’d found themselves in, looking for a sign of change.

“Did it work?” Sam asked, in the processed of zipping his coat up.

Bucky shrugged, still looking around, “I’m not sure, it looks… oh, shit,” he trailed off, his jaw going slack.

The world looked about the same as the New York he remembered, albeit something made the world look a little flat. Like he was looking at one of those 3D pictures. The people looked normal, the stores looked like they could exist there (he didn’t remember enough of New York anymore), but there was a specific billboard that had Bucky’s attention. He could only point.

Sam and Steve rounded the entrance to the alley to see what Bucky was pointing at, and Steve whistled lowly. “Their Avengers team is that big, huh?”

The billboard looked like a weathered thank you to the Avengers, but the picture featured a multitude of heroes the trio had never heard of. The one in the front was clearly Carol, but she looked completely different. Some of the heroes had on uniforms or sported symbols that looked familiar, but even the Hulk in the picture looked off.

“Looks like Ant Boy was on to something,” Bucky said, whistling lowly. Sam couldn’t help himself; he snorted at the nickname.

After a minute to regroup and make sure they looked sufficiently undercover, the group headed out to explore a little bit. They were on a mission, but with a lack of time restraints, it made sense to take their time in understanding their surroundings. It wasn’t like a recon mission in a foreign building. They had an entire universe to understand in order to track Natasha down.

They eventually found an internet café to poke around the internet for clues. Sam immediately started looking himself up, and kept snickering at the costumes that came up. Steve made the fun revelation about his own counterpart dying not long before and went down a rabbit hole, his face becoming more and more horrified as time went on. Bucky was the first to have any luck. Of course there wasn’t much about Natasha on the usual media sources. There were some pictures of her with Bucky’s own counterpart, which brought a smile to his face. At least they seemed to have some time together.

But the trail went cold, and it was starting to worry Bucky. Public figures disappearing from the news normally weren’t a good sign. A deep dive into government systems turned back a few tidbits, but it was a SHIELD file that caused his heart to sink. Bucky sat back and stared at the computer screen, which caused Steve to lean over and look at the screen.

“She was used against me- him. The other me,” hell, it was confusing, “someone erased her memories to get at me. Someone went through her to get at me.” He clenched his metal hand so tightly part of the table broke off. Steve slowly pulled the metal fingers out of the table and rested his free hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Sam poked his head over and immediately looked outside, leaning closer to force shut down Bucky’s computer. “SHIELD’s got to know you hacked into their system in a few minutes. We should move.”

Steve had to almost drag Bucky out of the internet café. It wasn’t because Bucky didn’t want to leave, but more that he was in a state of shock and anger. Steve took the group of them into an alley not far from to regroup. Once they were sure they were out of the way enough, Bucky slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands. A minute of silence passed before Sam cleared his throat, and Bucky poked his head up. “I want to kill him.”

Steve and Sam exchanged looks. They didn’t have to ask; there was someone responsible that Bucky wanted to end. “We can’t interfere with the timeline,” Sam said, trying to sound as gentle as possible, “I know this hurts, but you can’t-”

“I want him dead,” Bucky cut in, eyes flaring. He looked murderous. He wasn’t making any sudden moves or threatening, but his mood shift took Sam back a moment. Bucky continued, “I want to watch the life drain out of his eyes for what he did to Natalia. I want to wrap my hands around his throat and make her be the last thing he thinks about before he goes to hell.”

Steve was the first to move in the moment of tension. He put his hand on Bukcy’s shoulder and held it there. Sam could almost see the physical change as some of the anger and tension seeped out of Bucky’s body. It might have been better for the short term, but the grief and shock that took over Bucky’s face was worse. “We can’t kill him,” Steve said softly, crouching down next to Bucky, “Sam’s right; we can’t change the timeline here, but more than that, how would you feel if this happened to you and a stranger took the revenge from you?”

Sam nodded in agreement. It felt odd to discuss killing someone so flippantly, but all of them had seen some drastic changes in their lives the last few years. Steve’s question clearly shook something loose in Bucky’s mind, as he nodded solemnly. “This universe is shit. I don’t want a place where Natalia was used against me like that. Not again. Let’s move on.”

It was a solemn march on the way back to their original landing point. Getting around the SHIELD lackies swarming the internet café was like child’s play to the three of them, and they found the alleyway easy enough. Bucky didn’t make eye contact with anyone while they got ready to jump again. Sam noted the slight tremor in Bucky’s flesh hand; maybe this had been a bad idea after all.

They were in for a surprise when they got to their next universe, however. In the first universe, they’d had a moment of questioning if the travel had worked or not. There was none of that in the second universe. 

The three of them knew the moment they looked up that they were in a different world. It was like everything had been flattened. They’d all just survived a would-be apocalypse. They knew what the world after that looked like. They had just landed in a world that was recovering from a catastrophic event.

“Is this even Earth?” Steve asked, looking around where they’d landed. It was a lush green space, dotted with castle like architecture. Some of it looked ancient; most of it looked brand new. The people milling about were dressed a little off from what they were all used to, including pieces of casual armor and flowing cloth.

Sam started tapping his fingers against his mouth, glancing up at the place they’d landed in front of. His mouth immediately dropped as he saw the flags flying from the windows in the literal castle. “Guys,” he said, voice cracking. When Bucky and Steve didn’t turn around, he grabbed both of them and flipped them around. There, hanging from the towers and most of the buildings, were long red banners with the black widow’s hourglass on them.

Bucky’s mouth went dry. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence,” Steve said, already not sounding sure of himself.

It didn’t take long for their fears to be answered. The trio had to stick to the shadows for fear of being seen. Their clothing would make them stick out terribly, so they started looking for an area that wasn’t nearly as populated. The place they found was some kind of court yard with a few people milling about, with a row of statues along one side. The third statue in made Sam swear lowly. “That’s me,” he said, deflating. “That’s the exact outfit I saw in the last universe.”

They walked along the pathway, avoiding any prying eyes, following the path through two pillars on the far end of the courtyard. There, larger than life, larger than almost anything Bucky had ever seen, was a statue of Natasha. It was clearly a memorial. And yet, Bucky’s initial reaction was to smile. The statue was of Natasha standing victorious over a giant dragon looking thing. But most importantly, she was hoisting Mjolnir over her head.

Steve whistled low, grinning. “I know Scott said the multiverses are all different, but I always knew Natasha was worthy. She refused to try to pick the hammer up during the party years ago. She probably didn’t want the burden.”

“No,” Bucky said softly, wiping a few tears from his eye, “She didn’t want to take that away from Thor. We all know she’d do anything to save people. No matter the cost.”

Sam dropped a heavy hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “And no matter the universe. I know this isn’t what you were you looking for…” he trailed off.

Bucky rested his hand on Sam’s hand, “No. But I’m glad we found this. She’s not just a hero here, she’s a legend. Everyone knows her.” For a moment, he wished it was the same way in their universe, but the thought left his mind quickly.

They stayed around the statue for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet that Natasha had clearly brought. The three of them finally decided to go to the next universe when the sun started to set.

Steve sighed as they got suited up to jump again. “Well, found a universe where she’s alive, and one where she’s a hero. Maybe we’ll find one where both are true,” he said, a hopeful tone to his voice.

“From your mouth to the ears of whatever deity oversees this mess,” Bucky responded as they shrunk.

Things were starting to feel better. Maybe the first universe was an unusual case. And maybe it was that thought that dumped them back in the original universe.

Steve was the first to figure out what was going on. They were in the exact alleyway they’d landed in the first time, but it felt different. Like the world had lost some of its color. He stuck his head out from the alley to look around, and came back with a grim look on his face. “Some time has passed since we were here. And I don’t like the feeling of this place.”

Sam opened his mouth to ask why, but Bucky felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise. It was a similar feeling to being watched. When he looked up, he saw a face, and it made his stomach drop. “Guys,” Bucky said, his voice cracking, pointing at the drawing on the wall.

There, on the brick wall, was a spray painted portrait of Steve as Captain America. The picture was twisted in almost a demonic way, and underneath was the word traitor.

Steve’s face fell. The heartbreak read clearly on his face. “What happened here?” he asked, sounding weaker than either Sam or Bucky had heard him before.

They took extra precautions to not be seen this time around. The graffiti gave the group the idea that the world wasn’t going to be all that kind to them if they were recognized. Their first stop proved to be fruitless. The internet café they’d frequented the last time had been smashed to rubble. In fact, most of the block looked either flattened or empty. The trio had obviously seen the aftermath of an apocalypse level event. It looked like hell had gone through New York. There were people scattered about, but most looked like the street was being used as nothing more than a through street for getting where they needed to be.

They finally came across an abandoned newsstand. Bucky had always found them charming, almost a reminder of the past, even though almost everyone got their news on the internet these days. Bucky and Sam made eye contact, Sam nodding shortly before looping an arm around Steve’s shoulders and pointing at a bird that was flitting about the ruined building behind them. Bucky had a feeling what he was about to find out wasn’t something Steve needed to see.

He had to jump over the counter to find any of the newspapers, as all the ones displayed on the front had been taken. The place had clearly been used by squatters at some point, but it was empty as he picked up what was left on the ground. The first two papers he found were talking about recovery. Tragedy. One had a list of ‘notable funerals to attend’, which Bucky put aside to look at later. He hit the jackpot on the fourth paper, his blood running cold.

The first universe had nothing on the horror he felt looking at the article title ‘Captain America Kills Black Widow.’

He must have made some kind of noise, because Sam and Steve had shuffled closer. “What is it?” Sam asked, bracing for the worst news. Bucky didn’t even bother sugar coating what he’d found; he tossed the paper on the counter and picked up the list of funerals.

There was a ringing in Bucky’s ears that muted the sound of anguish that Steve made. The list of funerals was long. Too long. Some were names Bucky recognized, most were unknowns. Civilians. His stomach churned. He flipped the page and saw a picture that let some of the tension out of his body. “Steve,” he said softly, pulling Steve’s attention away from the article, “Look.”

Bucky flipped the paper he was holding around, revealing a picture above an article that had been torn away. The title of the article and the caption were unreadable, but the picture was clear enough: there were two Steves fighting. The one wearing the Captain America uniform appeared to be winning. “This wasn’t you,” Sam said after a beat of silence, slapping Steve on the back.

“Then wh-” Steve started, but Bucky cut him off.

“It doesn’t matter,” Bucky said, “It wasn’t you. The you of this universe, I mean. Maybe it was aliens or a shapeshifter or some other nightmare that we have yet to learn about. But it wasn’t you.”

Steve nodded sadly, “But Natasha’s still dead here. We found another universe where she died a hero. What if…?” he trailed off, biting his lower lip.

Bucky finished the thought, “What if she’s destined to always die saving the world?” he asked, deadpan. Sam and Steve nodded. “Maybe. But she’s not dead here. Not really.” Before Sam or Steve could ask, Bucky flipped back to the list of notable funerals. The image of Natasha used as the header featured what was clearly a candid shot of the widow in action, her eyes piercing into the camera, but her lips curled up in a smile. Bucky pointed to the watermark on the picture in the bottom left. There, faintly behind the signature of the photographer, was a slightly blurred widow’s hourglass. “The Red Room gave all the operatives a symbol, a type of calling card. We normally used them to confirm kills or take credit, but they were also calls for help or to let our superiors know an attempt on their life wasn’t successful. This is Natasha’s.”

Sam nodded, “So she’s alive, but out of reach.”

Bucky folded the papers up and threw them back where he found them, “Undoubtedly. Either she faked her death, or more likely, came back from the dead. And I think we all know what that does to a person.”

Steve’s face darkened, if that was even possible, “We should move on. I don’t want to be here any longer than we have to be.”

Sam and Bucky nodded. The trio walked back to the alley they landed in to suit back up, silence the only sound for the walk back.

Steve and Sam closed their helmets when they were ready, but Bucky was staring blankly at the ground. “One more,” he finally said, looking up, “One more universe, and that’s it. I don’t think I can handle the disappointment anymore.”

Sam smiled sadly, “I’m sorry, man. I thought this would be a good idea. I didn’t realize that every universe had it out for your girl.”

Bucky returned the smile, “It’s not your fault. I can’t thank you enough for this. It’s not your fault that Natasha’s life isn’t easy.” He thought for a moment, then grinned, “And she isn’t my girl. I was her boy, if I was lucky.”

The trio shared a small laugh before Bucky put his helmet on, and they shrunk to find one last universe.

When they landed, Sam had to stifle a laugh. Steve also smiled, but Bucky was the first to actually say something, “Are we in a bad western movie?” he asked, looking around the landscape with a mix of shock and surprise on his face, “This looks like something right out of those weird movies Bruce has a fascination with. What the hell?”

Sam couldn’t hold it back; he started full belly laughing at Bucky’s reaction. Maybe they’d found a good universe to end in after all.

It took some doing with what few pieces of disguises they brought, but the trio managed to obscure their faces enough with the artificial facial hair. They started towards the town that looked like a Hollywood movie set from a distance. It didn’t get much better as they got closer. Sam and Steve kept cracking jokes about the set up, but Bucky’s eyes were trained on something they were rapidly approaching. When they got close enough, his thoughts were confirmed: it was a cemetery. Bucky slowed and stopped in front of the entrance. If Natasha was dead in this universe as well, they might as well find out before walking into town and possibly disturbing things.

“Buck,” Steve said softly, “You don’t have to. Sam and I can check.”

Bucky waved him off, “I need to find out for myself.”

There were a few fresh graves that Bucky decided to leave for last. If they’d just missed her, he was going to have a very painful reaction he wanted to delay. Already there were names he recognized. The stones looked older, which gave him and idea of what year it was. About half way down the row, though, he froze.

Steve called from the entrance, “Is it her?”

“No,” Bucky yelled back, “It’s me.”

He wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about it. On one hand, it felt appropriate. On the other, his counterpart was listed as ‘deputy’, meaning he was a good man. What caught Bucky’s eye more was the ‘loving husband’ inscription. He knitted his brows. It had to be Natasha, right? Who else would he marry in any universe? He started walking along the rows of gravestones, looking for a clue. All he found were more names he recognized. He finally stopped at the end, standing over the fresh graves. One wasn’t even dug up, signaling that there was no body. The gravestone had Steve’s name on it.

“I guess it is the wild west,” Steve said, coming up behind Bucky and shrugging. He took the news of being much better than being evil, Bucky noted, smiling faintly at Steve. “And sheriff, huh? What an honor. I think.”

Sam came up on Bucky’s other side, “Ready to head in town?”

Bucky nodded, looping one arm around Steve’s shoulders and the other around Sam’s hips. They only stayed in that position until they were within eyesight of town. Sam tried to do a cowboy walk for a few feet before giving up, meaning the trio entered town laughing. They weren’t entirely sure what to expect. Bucky half expected someone to come out and yell about strangers, but the most they got were a few tips of hats and waves.

“We should find a saloon,” Steve said, “That’s where all the good information comes from. Bartenders.”

Sam snickered, “You watch too many movies.”

Steve pointed at the over the top architecture and weirdly painted signs, “Sam, I think we are in a movie.”

They found what looked like a bar and pushed inside, sitting down in one of the darker corners to avoid people looking at them. Bucky immediately went into reconnaissance mode. The conversation behind him told him a few things about where they were: it was 1872 and the town was called Timely. Something had happened recently. Something big. Bucky was about to turn around and ask when the front door opened, and two women entered. While all the women they’d seen recently had been in the over the top dresses of fiction, these two were wearing what looked like men’s clothing. One had dirty blonde hair and was wearing some finery that seemed to signify a sort of standing in the town. The other had Bucky on his feet in a split second. He’d recognize the red hair and slope of her cheeks anywhere.

Steve and Sam poked their heads around to look at the women. “Carol?” Steve asked, nodding towards the blonde.

Sam stood as well, looking at Bucky, “That’s Natasha, isn’t it?” When Bucky made a move towards the bar that the women had sat down at, Sam put his hand on Bucky’s arm. “Be careful, man. This universe isn’t like the others. She might not understand if you reveal who you are.”

Bucky inhaled slowly before exhaling sharply. “I know.” He paused, then turned to look at Sam. “If it looks like things are going south, get me out of there. I trust you to make that judgement call.”

With that, Bucky moved towards the bar. Steve huffed as Bucky walked away, “Why doesn’t he trust me to do that?”

Sam sat back down in Bucky’s abandoned seat, shoulder checking Steve, “Because those are two people you love a lot. Same for me, but I also find Barnes to be more obnoxious than a tiny barking dog. Which means I sure love dragging him away from things.”

Sam and Steve quieted and shifted to watch Bucky, who slid onto the stool next to Natasha. Bucky could feel his heartbeat in his throat, mulling over the words he wanted to say. He was only a little surprised when Natasha beat him to the punch. The redhead waved the bartender over, gesturing to Bucky, “Can you get the nervous stranger a pint?”

Bucky sat up a little straighter and finally looked at her. This Natasha still had the same dazzling eyes and mischievous look of the one he’d held in his arms all those years ago. Her hair was a slightly more muted tone and her face was more worn. He was looking at a Natasha that had actually aged past her 20s. He couldn’t help but smile. The idea of Natasha growing old had never once occurred to him, but it was a lovely thought. “Thanks,” he finally said, right as Natasha started looking a little unsettled, “Sorry, I’ve been in the elements a little too long.”

“Apparently,” she said, visibly calming down, “We’ve had an increase in strangers since the mutiny, but most people stop by the mayor’s office first, not the bar.”

Carol leaned forward, fixing Bucky with a steely gaze, “And I haven’t seen you in my office.”

Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but closed it after a moment. He was likely looking at the two people in the entire town that could call him on a lie, considering there wasn’t a Steve around. “I’m looking for someone,” he settled on, “Someone I lost recently.”

Both Natasha and Carol’s faces contorted into looks of sadness. Natasha shifted to look back into her pint, “We’ve also lost people recently. It takes too many bodies to over throw corrupt people.”

Carol nodded, patting Natasha on the back. “I’ve got to get back to the office. I’ll see you this evening, deputy.”

Natasha turned to nod at Carol, which gave Bucky a moment to close his open mouth and try and reset his face. “Deputy?” he asked, trying to squash the surprise on his face.

Natasha smiled and leaned forward a little. She smelled faintly of flowers, like she had a garden she tended. Bucky had to force that thought out of his mind to pay attention. “Surprised a woman can do the job, stranger?”

“No,” he immediately said, “I saw the grave with deputy on it, is all.”

It was about as direct a question as he could manage. One that caused Natasha to freeze and look back down at her drink. “That would be my late husband,” she started, causing Bucky’s mouth to go dry, “He was killed saving someone’s life, and I was told a lie to turn me against my closest friend. When the mutiny happened, Mayor Carol offered me this position. It felt appropriate. I was never afraid to get my hands dirty to save the people I care about. But those numbers have gotten awfully small recently. I might as well keep the town safe while I can.”

A number of terrible ideas jumped through Bucky’s mind. He glanced up to see Sam and Steve staring at him rather intensely. He made a semi-casual wave before leaning in closer to Natasha, “Is there somewhere private we can talk? I have some information that might interest you.” Natasha looked suspicious, but before she could respond, Bucky carried on, “You could take me down in a heartbeat if I try anything. Believe me.”

Natasha smiled, “I have no doubt of that. I have a room here I use from time to time. Follow me.”

She got up and started heading towards the rooms that lined the back wall. Bucky followed, waving Sam and Steve off before they could get up and follow. The room felt oddly familiar to Bucky. It had the same set up as some of their safe houses they’d kept when they were in the Red Room. After closing the door behind him, Bucky immediately threw caution to the wind and tore off his disguise before Natasha turned around. Her eyes went wide as soon as she laid eyes on him. She immediately closed the distance between, and Bucky expected to get punched in the face. Instead, Natasha took his face in her hands, tears welling up in her eyes. She was searching for something on his face. “You aren’t him,” she finally said, thumb running over his jawline, “You look like him. You certainly sound like him. But you aren’t him. Who are you?”

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes. A long time ago, I loved someone named Natalia. I would have given anything to stay with her. But she was taken from me, and she died before I could find her again. So I went looking. I’m not from this world.” Bucky kept his tone even, trying to show just how honest he was. He knew what this could sound like.

Natasha nodded slowly, her hands shifting to rest on his shoulders instead, “I had my theories. Stark said some wild things when he was drunk that I initially chalked up to ramblings of a mad man. Things about realities. But we’ve had visitors. People whose appearances seem off and who talk strangely. You look too much like my late husband to be lying to me.”

A long minute of silence stretched between the pair. Both of them had lost more than words could describe. Bucky looked down at a woman that was world weary and still pushing on to prove herself equal to those that had died before. Natasha looked up at a man that looked far sadder than anyone she’d laid eyes on before. Both of them needed someone. They needed each other.

“I-” Bucky started, reaching his hands up to hold Natasha’s face gently. It look all his willpower to not start sobbing just looking at her, “I have friends here. I should go back to my own world, I only wanted to see her- you one more time.”

Natasha nodded slowly, uncoiling her hands from Bucky and folding them across her chest. “I understand. I appreciate seeing his- your face one more time.”

Bucky hesitated for a moment before pulling Natasha forward to press a kiss to her forehead. Natasha blinked at him before pulling him down for a proper kiss. She tasted like dirt and cider. He tasted like mint and salt. They parted with a nod, and Bucky left first to find his friends again.

He was tearing up by the time he got back to Steve and Sam, who folded him into a chair carefully. “You going to be alright?” Steve asked, placing his hand over top Bucky’s.

Bucky nodded slowly, his mind rolling over one specific thought over and over. After a few minutes of silence he finally looked up, “I’m not going back,” he said.

Sam and Steve looked at each other before looking at Bucky. “You’re what?” Sam asked, “You can’t- you can’t stay here. This isn’t your universe.”

Bucky shook his head, “No, it isn’t. But Natalia said there’s been other people from other universes come through. We’re apparently behind the curve on travelling between universes.”

“You told her?” Steve asked, sitting up slightly before Sam shoved him back in his seat, “I thought we told you-”

Bucky waved him off, “I couldn’t lie to her. She made eye contact with me and I knew. She’s different than the average person here.” He leaned forward and took Sam’s hand as well, “You can’t change my mind about this. You two belong in your original universe. But I belong here. You can visit- Ant Boy should be able to figure that out, right?”

Sam smiled for a moment at the nickname use before frowning at the table. “We’ll miss you, man,” he finally said.

Steve nodded, tears starting to well in his eyes, “I just got you back.”

“You still have me,” Bucky was quick to correct. “Think of it as long distance. At least this way you’ll know where I am.”

The goodbyes lasted a while. Steve kept pulling Bucky back in for more. It finally took Sam pulling Steve away for the pair to head off to head back to their universe. “Scott’s going to be pissed,” Sam said as they left the town, “Barnes just gave him more work.”

Steve wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “Scott can manage. And I think I might like visiting here every now and then.”

Back in town, Bucky walked back to the room Natasha hadn’t left yet. He leaned his forehead against the door for a moment before knocking. Natasha’s muffled reply of, “Not right now!” gave him all the permission he needed to open the door. The redhead turned around to yell at him before her tear stained face melted into one of surprise.

“I couldn’t leave you,” Bucky said, closing the door behind him. “Not after I had finally found you.”

Natasha didn’t wait. She jumped on Bucky so fast he was immediately knocked to the ground with a grunt and a laugh. “Bastard,” she said into his neck, her voice tinged with laughter and unshed tears, “Almost taking this away from me. If I needed any further proof you were my James-”

“And if I needed any further proof you were my Natalia, the jump certainly did it,” he said, sitting up part of the way with his arm around her waist. “I’ve missed you. And I looked forward to getting to know you,” he said into her hair.

“We have all the time in the world. Finally,” she responded.


End file.
